This car is the kind of every young boy dreams of, in Fact, I’m nearly sure I had a toy model of this with missile launchers in the back when I was seven. This is still the car that grown up boys dream of but not only the car it’s the lifestyle it promises that is the big lure. I would buy this car if I lived on a 100 hectare farm in Zambia and I needed a military grade 4x4 to chase lions away my stock, or if I was an intrepid explorer, or if I was just intrepid, or if you owned a racehorse stud farm, imagine it could come in quite useful.

The rather pallid reality though, is that the men who will buy this car will most probably only use it for nipping down to the shops at worst, or transporting garden refuse to the dump at best; t is the ultimate mid-life crisis vehicle. But, if you have ever dreamed of being the off-road adventurer adrenalin-addicted hero and, let’s face it we all have, then why not?

Why shouldn’t you aspire to be something more manly, a thrill-seeking adventurer? Isn’t that something worth aspiring to? What I’ve always loved about this car has been its crudeness, it does exactly what it says on the tin. It’s basically a repackaged tractor. Well, why not buy a tractor you say, well a tractor doesn’t promise a life of freedom-fighting, extreme sports, safaris, a tractor promises silage, lambing and a lifetime of worming.

For your extra mullah you get a restyled Orkney Grey or Nara Bronze paint job with Santorini Black roof, headlight surrounds, wheel arches and black chequer plate along the bumper and sills and rear step, gloss black "Saw Tooth" 16-inch alloys and MTR off-road tyres. The engine is a typical 2.2 litre diesel beast but it comes with air conditioning, anti-lock brakes, traction control, remote central locking and heated seats and windscreen, which mean the Xtech is a little more forgiving behind the wheel than its predecessor and these few creature comforts can go a long way.

I want one of these and I’m not ashamed to say it. I can deal with parking my environmental concerns, forget about carbon footprints, with this car I can save isolated primitive tribes by bring much needed medical supplies into the jungle through previously inaccessible terrain. Win! 

By Hugo Mc Cafferty