I'm taking a break from "studying" to attend the Biennale Art Festival in Venice. I bought my tickets, got a new bathing suit and picked out all of my outfits. The only thing I'm missing is a place to stay.
Booking a hotel is out of the question (I'm unemployed) and none of my "friends" have extra space. But I'm not worried. I've made a list of who I will sleep with the 5 days of my trip.
FLOATING GIRL'S GUIDE TO THE FLOATING CITY
DAY 1: TOURISTS
"Modern Art" doesn't attract Americans. The Biennale will bring Spanish Dancers and French Boys in Bands. We'll get along great and they'll share their suite.
DAY 2: LOCALS
Locals are cool because they know where everything is and usually have extra towels.
DAY 3: SAILORS
The first time I went to Venice I hated it. Water everywhere (gross) and boats for transport (scary). But then I saw the Sailors.
Their white uniforms and hats make up for the fact that they eat fish and have no equilibrium. Hopefully my Popeye will have a Yacht.
DAY 4: ARTISTS
Artists are hot because they're neurotic and depressed. I'll tell them I work for MoMA so they let me crash on their couch.
DAY 5: CELEBRITIES
This will be easy. The only problem will be choosing which one.