Booking a hotel is out of the question (I'm unemployed) and none of my "friends" have extra space.  But I'm not worried. I've made a list of who I will sleep with the 5 days of my trip.

FLOATING GIRL'S GUIDE TO THE FLOATING CITY

DAY 1: TOURISTS
"Modern Art" doesn't attract Americans. The Biennale will bring Spanish Dancers and French Boys in Bands. We'll get along great and they'll share their suite.

DAY 2: LOCALS
Locals are cool because they know where everything is and usually have extra towels.

DAY 3: SAILORS
The first time I went to Venice I hated it. Water everywhere (gross) and boats for transport (scary). But then I saw the Sailors.
Their white uniforms and hats make up for the fact that they eat fish and have no equilibrium. Hopefully my Popeye will have a Yacht.

DAY 4: ARTISTS
Artists are hot because they're neurotic and depressed. I'll tell them I work for MoMA so they let me crash on their couch.

DAY 5: CELEBRITIES
This will be easy. The only problem will be choosing which one.

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