Tomorrow I'm going to Venice so I'm starting to pack tonight. The problem is I don't know what to bring because 1) it's hella hot there, 2) I hate not wearing tights and 3) my clothes are mostly fit for a Siberian Funeral.
Going through my closet I'm noticing many things, like that I still have old
crap I want to
my Ex BF left his t-shirt (keeping it), and 90% of everything I own is made
completely of Lace.
Suddenly I feel the way an Alcoholic does when they take out the trash and realize it only contains empty bottles.
"Do I have a problem?"
Not only is my closet overwhelmed with Impulse-Lace-Buys, I've even made stuff from lace to get a fix when I can't shop:
(I wanted to model these looks and take pictures via Every Annoying Fashion
Blogger but honestly it's too hot in my room to wear anything but my undies
So why this obsession? Am I a Lace Hoarder? Should E! make a reality TV show documenting my slow and painful recovery into a Well-Adjusted Cotton-Wearing Member of Society?
Why did I choose to collect lace? Why not books or boyfriends? Why isn't my closet full of money?
I fall into my Lace Pile, exhausted and defeated.
Under my head I feel that top I got in Paris, the night I ran into a guy I met on Chatroulette (we totally hit it off and ended up kissing in his kitchen until his girlfriend kicked us out).
Under my leg I see the dress I wore on Halloween. It's zipper kept snagging my wig, ripping the hair until it evolved into a mullet, but whatever, two costumes in one!
And by my hand, what I chose for the Gaga concert, where I was interviewed by the local news because I was drinking a found bottle of champagne by myself in the parking lot.
"Wait a minute," I think, "being obsessed with lace doesn't make me weird-it
makes me totally awesome!"
Don't yall see? Lace is great for winter because it can cover you completely without making you look like a celibate schoolteacher. In the summer lace keeps you nude(ish) and dignified, unlike those ever popular pastel sundresses meant only for babies and Malibu Housewives.
Most importantly, because the fabric is so sexy on it's own you know you'll look hot even if the style is ugly (because guys have some weird "lace fetish" associated to the types of underwear women wore back when they were mostly virgins and knew how to cook).
I put The Pile into my suitcase and declare my Venice Look "Sicilian Widow on Vacation Who Doesn't Let The Weather Tell Her What To Do."
Haters can Hate.