In a globalized world, weddings tend to be international and unconventional, not by nature but by force. One has to decide whether to behave following the rules or decide on some of one’s own.
Wedding Guests & Pests
If you have recently had this conversation: “What are you doing next weekend?” “We have a wedding” “Again?” “I know we have all weekends booked for the rest of sthe ummer”; I first congratulate you for having so many friends who want you at their wedding, and then feel some simpathy for you and your wallet. This article is for you.
I will start this article by giving you two important definitions:
Pest: 1. an annoying person or thing; a nuisance.
2. an injurious plant or animal, especially one harmful to humans.
3. a deadly epidemic disease; a pestilence.
Please note how these definitions can be applied to both the wedding or the “wedders” as well as the guests.
Guest: 1. One who is a recipient of hospitality at the home or table of another.
2. One who pays for meals or accommodations at a restaurant, hotel, or other establishment; a patron.
3. A distinguished visitor to whom the hospitality of an institution, city, or government is extended.
4.A visiting performer, speaker, or contestant, as on a radio or television program.
I personally like the 4th definition, although not all weddings allow you to be “loud”, if you know what I mean. If you have ever been put in a separate room with “commensali” that behave just like you, you know you are at an extended version of the children’s table. Meaning: you can be as loud as you want as long as you don’t annoy the properly behaved adults.
If your eyes got stuck on number three, especially on the verb “pays”, you probably cannot wait for your own wedding to get the money back for all those years of wedding attendance and gifts. This might not work out economically speaking, unless you live in Laos where apparently the bride and groom write down (right after the wedding before sex) exactly what everyone has given them (usually money) and when they in return get invited at a wedding they check the book to see how much they owe them.
After all weddings were once based on the idea of incrementing one’s wealth, but we are now all aware of prenuptial agreements (it sucks if you are the “poor” one in the couple).
After making some considerations over the weddings I personally attended in various countries, I have to say the etiquette is always different, especially from country to country, interfaith marriages, traditions and so on.
I am about to give you a list of what I consider guests should do to get their money (and friendship worth), bride and groom please take note:
1. Guests should be allowed to fornicate before, during, and after the ceremony. (After all, we have been watching you smooch (or forced to watch) since the rehearsal dinner if not before).
2.Good looking single friends and distant family members should always be included in the guest list.
3. The place you are getting married at shouldn’t be far to reach. It’s okay to have found the loveliest castle in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania, but if we all live West, you get my point. Unless you assume we are all millionaires, which is kind of you to assume really, but still.
4. Dress code: unless you think of us as children who will show up in their halloween costume if only they were allowed, please don’t. We get your style concern, although we can’t take it seriously from someone dressed like an over inflated bon bon (the bride).
5. Never, ever, stop serving drinks and food.
6. Please don’t have us dance at Michael Jackson yet again. We get it, you are trying to accomodate all guests, but at some point your grandma will fall asleep and not care.
7. Don’t tell us you are a virgin, it just kills all other brain work happening in our heads, we will be constantly thinking about that.
By Acelya Yonac (an expert wedding guest)
Tagged with: #FASHION SHOW
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