I don’t know when a Chihuahua became a ‘must-have’ accessory, but I really wish the trend would cease, they’re revolting little things. They have brains the size of peas and are completely helpless. In fact they are so helpless they can’t do anything except sit there and quiver while observing you through those bulging eyeballs. I don’t know if it was Paris Hilton who made this dog fashionable, but if she did, she has a lot to answer for.

Let’s not even get into a discussion about the useless small dog breeds that do nothing other than look cute and yelp at passers by. But let me start by saying that a dog should be useful. A creature that is genetically engineered to sit on a cushion and pose for oil paintings is an abomination. It sticks two very well manicured fingers up at Darwin and the most exquisite theory of evolution and seems content to have the genetic equivalent of ectoplasm sitting on its lap licking its own balls.

A dog should be useful, that is, not a guard dog, that’s what most small dog owners say about them, but we all know the truth, no, a dog, should be trained to bring you your slippers, to retrieve anything you set it to and of course a dog should attack your enemies at the click of your fingers. Minimum dog requirements include sitting, giving the paw, rolling over and singing, but only to vintage jazz and blues on original vinyl pressings.

When dogs can do such brilliant jobs, as bomb disposal, avalanche and earthquake rescue, drugs location and assisting the blind, it is pathetic to see an undersized rat that can’t do anything because it has a brain the size of a pea. They are man’s best friend and they are called that for a reason. Swide chooses the top 10 manly dog breeds for men. Not only for men, women can like manly dogs too, but there is nothing sadder than seeing a man forced to take his wife’s poodle for an evening stroll. If you must own one of those disgusting things, you’re going to walk it yourself.