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Too Fool For School
Posted Mar 18, 2011
However,
due to recent events, (my Mother threatening to send me back to America), I’ve
decided to Give School a Chance. This month I’ve replaced partying (watching
“Glee”) with sewing, drawing and Photoshop (making myself look skinnier via the
“liquify” effect). Today I had my first three exams and had to meet with my
professors in one “aula” (think X-Files interrogation room).
Upon
entering, they gasped, shocked at my presence. “Tea will go last; we’ll need to
talk to her.” Here’s the thing about European Exams, for those of yall who
don’t know: Unlike America, where exams are taken seated, in silence, with your
[cheating] classmates, here it’s presentation based.
You
wait in line, get drilled in front of everyone (think FBI torture tactics) and
then wait to hear your grades. You don’t find out you failed in private but in
front of all your peers [who have been criticizing your “lifestyle” for
months]. “But at least you can lie to your parents, right?” Wrong.Your grades
are written in a booklet (think Middle Ages) that you’re stuck with forever.
The only “way out” is to lose it, after which you face consequences more grave than that of a Mexican Immigrant losing their passport at U.S. Customs. So there I was, waiting and watching as my professors slaughtered one student after the other. I wondered how I’d handle their attacks.
“How did you hem these pants?” (“Were we supposed to?”)
“What’s your research topic?” (“What research?”)
“Which pencil works best here?” (“You mean Pen?”)
I tried to stay calm and listen to (get answers from) the poor kids in front of me. Until, (ten panic attacks later), it was my turn.
I face The Professors; I look them in the eyes; I try to communicate, “I’m sorry for being terrible and I really respect your work, have you lost weight?” I see, “Tea you don’t deserve to be here, your dress is hideous, go back to Slovakia.”
Guns are pulled (cue the vultures). After that I blacked out. All I remember is them writing a passing grade into my booklet and letting me go. I realized I’ve done one of the impossible:
Seduced a Gay Professor
Done a “good job”
TAGS: dolce&gabbana dolce & gabbana d&g d & g online luxury magazine tea Tea Hacic-Vlahovic punks wear prada columnist milan gay professor school exam exams slovakia gossip cruel world mondo trasho dj mens fashion week mfw womens fashion week milano
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