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A dilemma it is! Which would you snog, which would you marry? ...We go on imaginary first dates with our two leading men in the hope of finding out...

However much we may have seen of them in the recent past we seldom talk of anything else... A debate has emerged however (in our offices and it seems around the rest of the Robsessed globe...) as to which might make the most suitable squeeze for a night - and which you'd want to carry on squeezing for the rest of your life. We embark on a little Tuesday-morning fantasy to bring a conclusion to that most important of debates.

 

ON A FIRST DATE WITH TAYLOR

 

The venue

Forget the tired flowers-dinner-and-a-movie routine! Chances are you've already seen a certain film an embarrassing number of times and you're on the verge of developing a "popcorn elbow". Taylor strikes us as the cool kid at the club kind - just be prepared to use the emergency exit and receive the odd projectile from the murderously jealous other admirers.

The outfits

Yours is of the minimal kind - hey, it's only trendy to forget your pants behind this year! Plus there's something very virginal (or so you're telling yourself) about this stretch of black lace you're calling a dress. His? Well we cannot seem to recall what with that tendency of ours to picture him without anything on...

The conversation

The things you'd like to be telling him (most of them of variation on the "aren't those some penetrating eyes" theme) might be endless but you might find it difficult to get a word in hedgeways what with all the interruptions from his disturbingly friendly-looking "just" mates. So not much talking involved, but what those eyes of his are telling you... worth all the best chat-up lines in the book.

The outcome

Cut to the chase - he informs you of his very early flight the next morning but lets you know he's already ordered your favourite Eggs Benedict from room service (so that explains the "favourite breakfast food" question he asked before even saying hello). We can guess the rest...

The verdict

As much as we'd love a life full of pre-ordered room service eggs we'll have to keep it short and sweet and make our escapade with Taylor a one-night wonder.

 

 

ON A FIRST DATE WITH ROBERT

 

The venue

You were expecting a corner-table in a dimly-lit private section of the Ivy - he's turning up with a wicker basket smelling suspiciously of marinated socks. Not a limo or helicopter in sight - he in fact asks for permission to come in and walks straight to your back garden. By the time you join him however he's produced a Michelin-worthy table arrangement laden with the finest French cheeses (so much for the marinated socks...) and it's as though every star in the sky is shining ever so more brightly... You catch yourself thinking so and wonder whether you might be suffering of a case of the Jane Austens - you're so much more Carrie Bradshaw than Elizabeth Bennet!

The outfits

Eager that he was he's turned up early so it's likely you're still midway through getting ready - we're expecting a greying old oversize t-shirt and a face half-full of make-up. Luckily he seems to be looking right past your semi-mascared eyes, straight into your soul. Either that or he's seriously constipated - we're guessing all that fancy foreign cheese...

The conversation

A substantial amount of time is spent discussing the merits of various 19th century German poets - you're contributing mostly through your insightful nods. Then it does move onto the hardship of being the world's number one Robsession; and as much as you'd like to tell him how different you are when he mentions some of the antics of the most ferventTwi-hards you're somewhat too busy trying to hide the Team Edward tattoo on your wrist.

The outcome

Expect 200 pages worth of beating about the bush, tortured souls and lovers' misery... à la Pride and Prejudice. Thankfully this is 2009Hollywood rather than 19th century Herfordshire and so you will get the guy and the McMansion at the end.

The verdict

Even though we're risking spending a lifetime at a loss for a clever thing to say,  it's what we've always suspected... Robert pour la vie!

  

Still undecided? Learn a lesson from the great French mistresses and keep them both! (That was our plan from the beginning...)

 

Aurelie Bellavigna

 

Source: Our deepest fantasies.

Photo credits: Various

TAGS: twilight new moon robert pattinson taylor lautner first date marriage