The world will be welcoming Bachelorette to our screens in 2012, and it is James Marsden who plays an eligible Bachelor. This got Swide thinking, how does one become the perfect Bachelor?
‘Bachelorette’ stars Hollywood’s answer to Bridget Jones’s Diary’s Hugh Grant, James Marsden, who acts alongside the likes of Kirsten Dunst and Isla Fisher. The film follows the efforts of three young women who are asked to be bridesmaids for the wedding of a girl they used to make fun of at school. James Marsden is a bachelor, the love interest and also serves as some lovely eye candy to make the film easier on the eyes for the ladies who go to watch it.
James Marsden in Dolce&Gabbana on the set of Bachelorette.
So, what makes him such an eligible bachelor?
The obvious signs are there. The handsome looks, well crafted hair, white teeth that glint with a cheeky sideways smile and of course the love of suits. Every bachelor has to own and live in a suit. This has also been seen in recent film ‘Crazy Stupid Love’, in which Ryan Gosling stars as a self assured ladies man who can make any woman go weak at the knees with a click of his fingers and, yes, he is always trussed up in a perfectly cut suit. So, suit is a must guys and I have some suggestions below.
You have got to have a dose of cockiness to the way you treat those around you. People need to feel like being in your presence is like winning the lottery and so the old saying ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’ has become a mantra for this breed of gentlemen. It is also important to have a long list of chat-up lines that can be reeled off like wild fire. ‘Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?’, you know, those kind of lines.
Next… it is the pad. If I have been following my romantic comedies correctly it would seem that all, not just some but all, eligible bachelors need a pad… or as the English would call it, ‘a shag pad’ (you can thank the likes of Austin Powers for that one). The pad has got to impress and the only way of getting it right is to do some simple math. A pad needs to be:
- 80% Glass (this is a cold, hard fact)
- 10% Black marble (usually found in the kitchen with appliances dotted about in accordance to the rules of feng shui)
- 7% Leather
- 3% Egyptian cotton (silk doesn’t cut it any more)
And there you have it, the perfect mix of materials to ensure that some late night wooing doesn’t go unrewarded, and of course some smooth grooves playing on the stereo to coax anyone into a bit of awkward grinding (just don’t play ‘Dilemma’ by Nelly and Kelly Rowland). There is the misconception, however, that a rotating bed is a sure winner but don’t be fooled, if you start prancing about on one of these love red beds, then expect the leopard print underwear, which you carefully selected, to stay on. The bachelor needs to be a woman’s man, a man’s man and have the perfect ratio of body hair to muscle. But, if you feel the need to have that extra something up your sleeve then it has to be an item which can be found near the top of any bachelor’s list – the Jacuzzi. You can’t deny that the sensation of bubbles being forced into every nook and cranny is arousing and if you top that off with champagne, then you’ve successfully got that box ticked.
So, there you have it, an overview of the basic musts for an eligible bachelor. There are many other pointers that could be given but if you follow the simple, affordable rules above, you will find yourself a step closer to living the life that many men desire.
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