Usually no preambule is needed, dirty-mail gets you a dirty response, and in the end we all get some clean underwear.
Having been faced with the issue of an increasing number of problematic letters, an avalanche of readers, customers, industry wannabes, I have thus decided to create this mini-laundrette service. You ask, I may not forgive.

To: Swide

From: Siciliana Blogger

Subject: Professional Fashion Blogger

I am Sicilian, from Sicily. Ciao. I want to blog. Watch my facebook page, also I have twitter account. I go to fashion week every year, many brands invite me. I am Sicilian, like Dolce e Gabbana. We are the same. I can come to fashion week to show and blog Dolce&Gabbana collection.

To: Ok Sicilian but No Blogger

From: Mini-Laundrette Service

Subject: Reality-Check

Dear Sicilian Friend,

Although we appreciate you sharing your Sicilian origins with us, conscious of the fact that you are probably more adept at recognizing a Sicilian orange compared to most of us who live in other sides of the planet, Earth... We want to help you, get, not sure how to put this A REALITY CHECK.

This method might seem brutal at first, but trust me, it's for your own good (and that of fashion). To do greater good you need to be unselfish and follow these guidelines:

a. stand forever clear from even the slightest idea of commenting ANY of Dolce&Gabbana's collections.
b. find yourself a more suitable hobby such as home-jewellery making or anything of the sorts.
c. learn perhaps how to write and read. (seems evident that you are also very far from mathematical knowledge, the 100 likes on your facebook page mean – sorry to disrupt you with this info – that NO ONE LIKES YOU.)

I am perfectly confident that you will find your niche so to speak, everyone has a chance waiting for them somewhere even if they have to go to Mars.

Please LOG OUT, or BLOG OUT.

Yours, Sincerely,

The Mini-Laundrette